by Cody Jones
Are you looking around at all the space in your home thinking this is too much for me to handle? Do you see stairs in your home that you cannot easily climb? Are you walking into a room struggling to remember why you walked into the room? Are you missing community because you are outliving your friends and loved ones? You are not alone.
From a different perspective, are you part of the sandwich generation – taking care of your kids while also spending more time addressing the needs of your parents? Do you worry about your parent’s forgetfulness or tendency to trust the unknown caller on the other end of the line? Do you worry about their ability to navigate their own home? You are not alone.
Sometimes we humans are like the frog in the pot of boiling water. We do not notice, or more likely, we choose to ignore the signs and fail to make changes until it is too late. We delay the changes because we love our home. We love the memories we have in our home. We do not want to bear the cost of a long-term living facility. We are still able to do most things, so it seems too early to make any changes. And maybe we are just a little too stubborn.
As estate planners, we often hear the phrase "if this happens to me” when we should be considering the phrase "when this happens me." As we age, we become more like a child, needing assistance and guidance. Rarely does this happen suddenly, but also rarely does it happen without warning. We have counseled many children who see their parents aging, but their parents refuse help. For all of our friends reading this, please know an honest, transparent approach by both the children and the aging parents can make this transition so much better for everyone involved. Have the conversation early, explore nearby options for senior living, process the information while you are healthy and mobile, and develop a “what if” plan together.
Most people have heard the phrase downsizing. To some, this sounds overwhelming and restricting. It sounds like a loss. A local realtor I know refers to downsizing as rightsizing instead. Doesn’t that sound so much more … right? Rightsizing is finding a home or living community or tweaking your existing home early so that you can transition through the end of life gracefully. Rightsizing is finding the right location, with the right items, near the right people, with the right accessibility, at the right time. One of the biggest mistakes is waiting until the crisis happens to make these changes. Rightsizing frees you from the worries before the crisis occurs and gives a gift to your loved ones to make it more convenient for them to help as your abilities decrease.
The good news is an entire industry exists to help people through this process. Retirement communities and independent living communities are happy to discuss their facilities with you in advance. You can contact a trusted realtor, preferably a certified senior housing professional, to consider an age-restricted neighborhood or patio home community with less maintenance. Consider neighborhoods near senior wellness centers or church facilities that offer senior programs. You can reach out to a professional personal organizer or estate liquidator to help you decide what personal belongings to keep – oftentimes a third-party perspective can save frustration. And as always, you should review your estate planning documents to make sure your incapacity-planning documents are in order and your assets will be managed according to your wishes during your lifetime and upon your death.
If you are looking for a place to start, may we suggest you consider attending the Crossings Care Series: Moving Mom & Dad offered at Crossings Community Church in the Spring. More information can be found at https://lifecare.crossings.church/careseries
